Doctor Who Series 9: The Witch's Familiar (Review)

Jesus fucking Christ. 

I'm gonna start this review by saying that I'm not a fan of Capaldi's doctor. There, I said it. He just seems so inconsistent. Say what you want about the Eleventh Doctor (God knows I have), but at least both Smith and the writers knew what they were doing and stuck to it. Twelve just seems so over the place, going from "Top layer if you want to say a few words." to "That was bantering!" And then there's the whole Sonic Sunglasses and playing a guitar on a tank thing. 100% rebel Time Lord. No nonsense. Yep. 

Also Sonic Sunglasses fuck off.

Also Clara fuck off.

One thing I did like was the comedy. Now Doctor Who's never had me genuinely burst out with laughter (well, at least not on purpose), but the Master is very funny here. She gets the proper bonkers bit down (although Moffat does really need to Google the word 'subtle'), and some of her dialogue is genuinely funny. I really enjoyed everything to do with the pointy stick (not a euphemism), and when she pushed Clara down the hole was one of the best scenes of the episode (if only it was 200 feet deep)...
Another thing I really enjoyed was the Doctor and Davros scenes. While they definitely lose their edge on repeated views due to the fact that Davros is a fucking great actor, they are oddly engaging and while I'm not the biggest fan of modernising classic villains is this sort of way, I can at least appreciate it.

And that's where my positives for this episode really stop...

First off, let's talk about the Dalek sewers. I'm all for adding new concepts for old enemies, but this makes no sense. Dalek's are genetically hard wired to keep on living? What? Apart from all those other times that Daleks have died? Also, with them attacking other Daleks, I thought that they were the perfect warriors? Designed not to ask questions? Like when the Paradigm Daleks killed them in Victory of the Daleks? 
Yeah, it's been established that the post-Time War human Daleks hated themselves, but they didn't hate other (for all we know, pure) Daleks did they?

And while we're on the subject of Dalek continuity: isn't it a fucking mess? I understand that over fifty odd years we're bound to get a few contradictions, but this episode honestly doesn't fucking care!

For example, the idea about the Dalek vocabulary is complete bollocks! This episode says that the Dalek travel machines (that's all they are, travel machines) control the weaponry through this 'vocabulary'. That, no matter what the Dalek mutant inside of it says, the travel machine will kill. That, the Dalek mutants are completely pointless and serve no purpose? Which, y'know, devalues the whole concept of the Daleks? k.

OH, AND ANOTHER THING. The plan the Doctor has to outplan the plan that Davros has. Remember when regeneration was an interesting and unique way to allow different actors to play the part of the Doctor, while keeping the show together and allowing it to continue? Yeah, well now it's a plot device used to #savetheday when Moffat's out of ideas. Sure, it was a plot device before. But it was interesting and rare. It would only happen every few years, and be a brilliant event story which everyone would get excited about. Now it seems to be used a plot device whenever Moffat feels like it. The Angels Take Manhattan? Time of the Doctor? (Although the Doctor did regenerate in that story, we still have no explanation of why it was so powerful and was able to take out a Dalek fleet). I dunno if I'm just being miserable, but am I the only one getting sick of seeing regeneration misused whenever Moffat can? Leave it alone! Otherwise it'll lose it's excitement whenever it does actually take place. (Oh and why the Doctor thinks that he has a limited amount of regeneration energy is beyond me because it's a form of energy not fucking rice).

Now, one final thing. The overnight viewing figures. Yeah we can moan about how the show's gonna die from 3.7 million views. But even with catch-up and interrupting TV schedules, the main issue is the episode itself. It focuses on a massive moral dilemma, full with emotions. And it's the series opener for God's sake! You can't open a series with something this serious! Surely 'The Impossible Astronaut' proved this! People don't want to be challenged mentally this early on! 

People said this two-parter felt like a series finale. And that's because it basically is! If you look at previous Moffat finales, this episode borrows heavily from them. Visiting previous characters in a lazy attempt to try and pull the series together for the finale. A moral dilemma. A big threat.

And now the bar has been set so incredibly low for the rest of the series, for me at least, that the main thing I'm excited about this series is the amount of shit Emergency Awesome will come out with.

But hey, at least the titles were in sync this week.