So...

Remember when this was a thing?

Donald Trump remembers.

So yeah, this died pretty much right after it started. (I'd make a 'your mum' joke there, but that means she died during sex...)

Anyway, 2016. This'll be a collab piece. Probably. Still working stuff out.

k bye.

Doctor Who Series 9: Before the Flood (Review)

(This review is gonna be rushed because I'm watching three episodes in one today because I'm lazy as shit)

So, Before the Flood.
 
I liked it. So shut up.

Yes, Clara was annoying as consitpation during the first act, and Prentis revealed some kinks, but it was alright I think?

The Fisher Price had a face like a vagina, and was clearly designed like that to sell the inevitable action figure of him. He also had a dildo hand.

Everything made sense, hardly pulling anything out of its own arse, and only using concepts from the story itself (the hologram thing yeah you know what I mean shut up). 
The scene with Cass and the axe was well thought out probably.

Okay that's it bye.

Doctor Who Series 9: Under the Lake (Review)

After the series opener, I thought this series would be Hell for me... WELL GUESS WHO JUST GOT PROVEN WRONG!

Just as soon I was ready to write this series off, something like this had to come along, didn't it? Something so... good...

Now, when it comes to genuine scares, Doctor Who's been severely lacking since, well, forever. It's a low budget family show, it can't go too far. I'd say the worst anything ever got for the entire Doctor Who Universe is the half converted man from Torchwood's 'Cyberwoman'. 'The Unquiet Dead', which admittedly still freaks me out, is the closest we've really gotten to real scares in my opinion. And then Whithouse comes along and somewhat succeeds. 


Now 'Under the Lake' isn't a horror movie. It's still a family show, but the brilliantly tense atmosphere makes up for the lack of genuine spookiness. It's a base-under-seige story, so of course everyone ever is gonna love it, and with the base-under-seige archetype comes a tense atmosphere from the enclosed space, a small cast and a villain which generally uses whatever the characters have against them. It's a simple formula and it works, especially for Doctor Who.

While we're on the subject of the characters, when was it the last time we had a cast of proper supporting characters? The closest we've gotten recently would probably have to be 'Last Christmas', but most of the cast there was criminally underused. Here, on the other hand, the characters are great.

Yeah they're not the most memorable, but they serve their purposes brilliantly. They each have defined characters which are consistant throughout. Woah, it's like the writers finally discovered how to write characters!

And while Pritchard is clearly there to be the 'boo hiss' character, I can still appreciate the middle finger to the money obsessed, selfish businessmen he is. 

I also found the dynamic between Cass and Lunn to be very entertaining. While it's not in the spotlight during the episode, you can tell that Cass really cares about Lunn, seeing as he's the only link she really has to the world outside of herself. Like when she wouldn't let him go inside the ship because she didn't feel it was safe, or trying to run too him when he was cornered by Spooky!Pritchard. It's a small thing, but it made me kinda happy.

The episode is also v v funny.

Also it's v v pretty.

 Also this shot made me laugh. 

The episode is also pretty original. Which is nice.

There is one problem though: the cliffhanger. It's so obvious and predictable that it worries me. But it also annoys me, as we know the Doctor isn't going to die. It's clear that he's in the stasis chamber thing. So can we stop with these shocks for the sake of shocks, which aren't even shocking?

Anyway, I've been far too positve in this review. Gonna go punch some old ladies.

Doctor Who Series 9: The Witch's Familiar (Review)

Jesus fucking Christ. 

I'm gonna start this review by saying that I'm not a fan of Capaldi's doctor. There, I said it. He just seems so inconsistent. Say what you want about the Eleventh Doctor (God knows I have), but at least both Smith and the writers knew what they were doing and stuck to it. Twelve just seems so over the place, going from "Top layer if you want to say a few words." to "That was bantering!" And then there's the whole Sonic Sunglasses and playing a guitar on a tank thing. 100% rebel Time Lord. No nonsense. Yep. 

Also Sonic Sunglasses fuck off.

Also Clara fuck off.

One thing I did like was the comedy. Now Doctor Who's never had me genuinely burst out with laughter (well, at least not on purpose), but the Master is very funny here. She gets the proper bonkers bit down (although Moffat does really need to Google the word 'subtle'), and some of her dialogue is genuinely funny. I really enjoyed everything to do with the pointy stick (not a euphemism), and when she pushed Clara down the hole was one of the best scenes of the episode (if only it was 200 feet deep)...
Another thing I really enjoyed was the Doctor and Davros scenes. While they definitely lose their edge on repeated views due to the fact that Davros is a fucking great actor, they are oddly engaging and while I'm not the biggest fan of modernising classic villains is this sort of way, I can at least appreciate it.

And that's where my positives for this episode really stop...

First off, let's talk about the Dalek sewers. I'm all for adding new concepts for old enemies, but this makes no sense. Dalek's are genetically hard wired to keep on living? What? Apart from all those other times that Daleks have died? Also, with them attacking other Daleks, I thought that they were the perfect warriors? Designed not to ask questions? Like when the Paradigm Daleks killed them in Victory of the Daleks? 
Yeah, it's been established that the post-Time War human Daleks hated themselves, but they didn't hate other (for all we know, pure) Daleks did they?

And while we're on the subject of Dalek continuity: isn't it a fucking mess? I understand that over fifty odd years we're bound to get a few contradictions, but this episode honestly doesn't fucking care!

For example, the idea about the Dalek vocabulary is complete bollocks! This episode says that the Dalek travel machines (that's all they are, travel machines) control the weaponry through this 'vocabulary'. That, no matter what the Dalek mutant inside of it says, the travel machine will kill. That, the Dalek mutants are completely pointless and serve no purpose? Which, y'know, devalues the whole concept of the Daleks? k.

OH, AND ANOTHER THING. The plan the Doctor has to outplan the plan that Davros has. Remember when regeneration was an interesting and unique way to allow different actors to play the part of the Doctor, while keeping the show together and allowing it to continue? Yeah, well now it's a plot device used to #savetheday when Moffat's out of ideas. Sure, it was a plot device before. But it was interesting and rare. It would only happen every few years, and be a brilliant event story which everyone would get excited about. Now it seems to be used a plot device whenever Moffat feels like it. The Angels Take Manhattan? Time of the Doctor? (Although the Doctor did regenerate in that story, we still have no explanation of why it was so powerful and was able to take out a Dalek fleet). I dunno if I'm just being miserable, but am I the only one getting sick of seeing regeneration misused whenever Moffat can? Leave it alone! Otherwise it'll lose it's excitement whenever it does actually take place. (Oh and why the Doctor thinks that he has a limited amount of regeneration energy is beyond me because it's a form of energy not fucking rice).

Now, one final thing. The overnight viewing figures. Yeah we can moan about how the show's gonna die from 3.7 million views. But even with catch-up and interrupting TV schedules, the main issue is the episode itself. It focuses on a massive moral dilemma, full with emotions. And it's the series opener for God's sake! You can't open a series with something this serious! Surely 'The Impossible Astronaut' proved this! People don't want to be challenged mentally this early on! 

People said this two-parter felt like a series finale. And that's because it basically is! If you look at previous Moffat finales, this episode borrows heavily from them. Visiting previous characters in a lazy attempt to try and pull the series together for the finale. A moral dilemma. A big threat.

And now the bar has been set so incredibly low for the rest of the series, for me at least, that the main thing I'm excited about this series is the amount of shit Emergency Awesome will come out with.

But hey, at least the titles were in sync this week.

Doctor Who Series 9: The Magician's Apprentice (Review)

So. Doctor Who ay? 

The Magicians Apprentice, to be specific.

Well...

It's...

Okay.

I think.

No, it's not amazing. It's not brilliant. It's not even good. But, it's alright.

It's full to the brim with Moffat-isms. Fan-wank, Clara, messing with established characters/themes/what have you. It's a tension-less, self-indulgent piece of Moffat dribble. That's for sure, no doubt about it...

...However.

I like it? There's a few plot holes here and there, and pointless elements which we really didn't need to move the story forward. The twists were obvious from a mile away, and the shocks... aren't shocking. Clara isn't dead. We know this. What's the point of killing her? It may shock the 10 people who still like her for a few femtoseconds, but that's it. Missy isn't dead either. We saw her teleport away before the Dalek beams even touched her for God's sake! And of course the TARDIS isn't gone. How moronic does Moffat think the viewers are that he think this will shock them? It's the same with the Missy reveal.

There's also a small goof with the Missy-Clara confrontation scene. Missy compares Clara to the pet dog of a couple walking past in relation to the Doctor. But, there are UNIT snipers surrounding them! I doubt UNIT would let people walk past someone they have snipers on! It's a small detail, but it shows a bigger problem with Moffat's scripts. Some parts of them, make no sense. 

For example, Bors (the beard man with an axe) is revealed to be a Dalek puppet. But that means that the Daleks knew where the Doctor was for THREE WEEKS! So for three weeks, the Daleks watched the Doctor perform for a bunch of peasants from the middle ages. In Essex. Ew.

Oh, and Clara. Clara, Clara, Clara, Clara, Clara. Clara. Please, just leave. And I mean actually leave. Please. I didn't like you in Series 7. Or Series 8. I still don't like you. Apart from her being a control freak (which we didn't actually see this episode), she has zero character. In fact, we haven't actually seen her be a control freak since Death in Heaven.

But my main issue with this episode is the #planeshavestopped.(#planeSHAVEstopped) plot thread. I know, it seems like a silly thing to be my main problem. But hear me out. It's completely pointless. Seriously, it only serves to get Clara and Missy to meet. Can't Missy just have gone and found her? It would've given the episode more time to answer some plot holes. Or, I dunno, build some tension? Oh, and the people inside them are pickled in time. Like gherkins in a jar.

Oh yeah, the episode looks fucking brilliant.

Oh yeah, Davros is back. That wasn't spoiled at all. Nope. No leaked trailers. No newspaper reports months in advance. Nope. The BBC has everything under control.

So, the Daleks. Yep. They're Daleks. They didn't really do anything. They were just there, looking admittedly pretty cool, occasionally being tickled inappropriately by Missy/The Master/Who Give a Flying Fuck. You know Moffat's gone too far when he writes about the Master fondling a Dalek and thinking 'yes this is totally great I am so good'. 

 And I love his 'The only thing on telly is old Pointless repeats' pose.

And Davros: my God how good he is! Julian Bleach is bloody fantastic. Davros is on point here, taunting the Doctor as usual. But Bleach is so ruddy interesting to watch. And considering he has to act through a fricken' prosthetic, he does exceptionally well.

THAT. ENDING. THOUGH.

There so much to talk about in this episode. Too damn much. And I can't possibly talk about all of it unless I put effort into this.

So, there we go. The Magician's Apprentice. It's... alright, I guess. Not a bad start to the series, but hey, it seems to at least try and be a good script, unlike Moffat's previous script. And that's gotta count for something... Right?

I don't have a special video for this... So, um... There's this?

Welcome etc!

Hello, and welcome to a blog kinda thing! 

So, a little about me. I'm a pretty fuckin' massive geek, I'll be honest. Mainly about Doctor Who, but also other stuff like 'The Walking Dead', 'Harry Potter' and the horror genre. Now I don't meant the shitty found-footage ego-manical sexy teens have an orgy in an abandoned asylum (seriously, why the FUCK would you even THINK about going into an abandoned asylum?! No, I mean the spine-tingling Stephen King stuff. Seriously, I'd say about 99% of the phobia's I have are probably because of Mr King. Watching 'It' at age 6... Gee, thanks brother dear. 

Anyway- why am I doing a review blog? Well I've been watching online critics (namely MrTARDISreviews, Stuart Hardy and TheBritishCupOfTea) for a while, and they've helped improve my critical eye (practically birthed it as I liked 'The Doctor, The Widow and The Bore-drobe' on first viewing). But I've never really reviewed anything before, just had good and bad points about something.

But the main reason for doing a review-blog-thing is, and I put this slightly comically, to ward off the increasing apathy I feel for the world. For a while, I've been feeling a bit empty. Sure, I've seen a few good films, read a good few books, been involved in a few exciting projects and met some of the best friends I've ever had- but whenever something major happens in the world, good or bad, I don't feel what I 'should' feel. Everything's just... stuff. And I'm starting this blog to actually feel passionate about something again...

Anyway, moving onto a less depressing subject- what can you expect from this blog? Well, reviews of TV shows- such as Doctor Who (obviously), The Walking Dead etc... Also some opinionated pieces, where I'll put my opinion on something to add to the over-bloated, pus ridden opinion tumor of the internet...


...And on that lovely image, I shall leave you. For now...


...Probably...
Sometimes there'll be a bonus video featuring some other people. Like this one.